The Man Who Is Tragically Damaged

Every guy has an ego. It’s just a fact. But it was only till I got older did I realize how fragile their egos really were. A man’s ego is everything to him. It’s his respect (to himself). It’s his honor (to himself). It’s the way he views himself.

But I also learned that there are two types of men : the kind with healthy egos and the kind with unhealthy egos.

The men that have a healthy ego are the kind that are confident. They’re grounded and firm in themselves. They carry themselves with respect, with honor and whenever faced with any kind of criticism, they’re willing to reflect within and rectify their wrongs. And that’s why these types of men are constantly evolving.

Every moment they get, they’re learning. Growing. Allowing their minds to revolutionize so that they can gain better perspective into the world. They’re bold, but humble.They don’t view women as an inferior species or an enemy, rather a partner and a friend that will bring joy and happiness to their lives. Someone who will bring out the best in them.

But the men with the unhealthy ego is the exact opposite. They’re insecure and obnoxious. They need constant female validation because in their minds a female is nothing but a source of supply, attention and satisfaction. They constantly need to be catered to and pleased.They carry themselves poorly. They disrespect others as they continue to put themselves into situations that cause others to lose respect for them.

They’re stagnant beings. Very much stuck in their ways. They’re manipulative and toxic. It’s their way or the highway. They’re arrogant, self-centered and hide behind a facade. And they almost refuse to believe that anything is wrong with them, and therefore they rarely ever change.

But what if I told you that the man with the unhealthy ego, wasn’t always this way? What if I told you that it was his past experiences with women that made him this like this?

Yes, women play a huge role in the way a man views himself. A wise man once said “a man doesn’t even know if he’s a man, if he doesn’t have a woman.” He could’ve gotten this way after one failed relationship after another. Or, how it happens with most guys, he could’ve fallen in love with a woman who was unsatisfied with the way he was and walked away. Ultimately leaving him feeling rejected and neglected and causing severe damages to his ego.

When a man loses a grip of himself, there is nothing he won’t do. He will turn off his emotions. Stop using his mind. Numb himself to the feeling of guilt. Succumb to his lowest of desires and absolutely feel no remorse. His morals will become nonexistent. And he will treat other women in the most horrifying of ways.He will think that everyone is his enemy, when in reality, he’s the biggest villain of his own life. And it’s all because of that one woman he lost. Or couldn’t get.

Say it with me over and over again : damaged people, damage people. So while we want to eradicate these men from our lives. While we want to hurt them, damage them back in return, make them feel exactly like how they made other girls feel, we have to take a step back and see the bigger picture.

These are hurt men. Severely, deeply, unquestionably wounded men. And they became this way as a product of their pain.It’s a coping-mechanism. And it’s something they will never admit to because of their massive egos.

So while it’s extremely dangerous to get involved with someone like this, instead of detesting them, hating them, and trying to hurt them even more, understand them. And even if you wanted to hurt them, at this point you can’t. They’ve already suffered the greatest of blows to their self-esteem. They’ll easily toss you to the side and get over it at the drop of a hat.

I want you to hear what they’re not saying. And if you want to be with someone who is like that, do it at your own risk. And I pray that their cold hearts are warmed by your comfort and companionship enough to let go of their old ways.

But there is always the possibility that they won’t. Because there’s always some pain men never heal from. They simply distract themselves by going from one woman to another. Trying to find acknowledgement. Trying to feel needed. Trying to feel more than enough. And trying his very hardest to feel for other women, what he felt for that one woman who destroyed him.

Damaged people, damage people. He’s not a monster, nor does he need to be feared. He’s just a man who is tragically damaged. And as a woman, you don’t need to do anything but acknowledge it.

 

 

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17 Comment

  1. Akeem says: Reply

    Mashallah nothing but truth in this..

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      Thank you!

  2. Wasima says: Reply

    This is stunning. Seriously, I am Reading this in total shock. My mouth wide open, Trying to understand What you understand. What you can Write down, in such a strong way.

    I’m flabbergasted.

    Your writingskills are everything.

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      I’m so honored. All praise due to The Most High. Thank you!

  3. Aysha Begum says: Reply

    Wow! GOOD JOB!

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      Thank you!

  4. Ummhayah says: Reply

    Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatahu dear sister…

    Wallaahi, I too read this with my mouth wide open… I am in utter shock…😱 how dear? How u have understood the man with the unhealthy ego so well? Dealing with the one with this (unhealthy ego) is nothing short of pure struggle (Jihad) every day… but, Alhamdulillah, u have opened my eyes to so many aspects that I have overlooked or rather I never thought of… Hoping n praying that the realization n understanding of your interpretation of an unhealthy ego, will make it a tad bit easier for me in the future, Insha Allah…

    May Allah Subhan wata’ala make it easy for all those who are struggling with such egos n also those around who have to deal with it on a daily basis n bless them all with Sabr n Khair in Dunya n Aakhirah, Aameen Ya Rabb

    Jazakallah khair for this enlightening post… 😊👌💯💓

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      You’re welcome. And I’ve dealt with so many men with unhealthy egos in my life. You start to pick up a few things after that:) Thank you again!

  5. Sarah says: Reply

    Amazing post and I complete agree with you.
    But how can one help them overcome this obstacle of an unhealthy ego? Or is it even worth trying to help even when you’re already in too deep (to the point where you’ve grown to care so much about him that it’s hard to leave)?
    I thought the best way is to just be there for them as a friend, but that also begs the question of how far is too far and how much time you can give before it gets to you too or before your feelings get stronger. What are your thoughts?
    Thank you and you’re the best! I love your blog ❤️

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      I think as a friend, there is only so much you can do before he starts negatively affecting you as well. Yes, adopt empathy but also keep yourself at a safe distance. You can’t carry his burdens. There are some battles a man must fight himself, and that too, alone. I know many women, including myself, are overly-sympathetic, but you only end up destroying yourself at the end. I know your feelings for him can be what’s stopping you from doing what’s logical, but sometimes you have to think of yourself. And it’s not selfish at all. Everyone deals with things at their own pace, and you definitely don’t want to be the woman a man ‘rebounds’ to because he can’t deal with his past issues. Sure, you can talk to him about it, but only time can tell how much he’s truly healing. Please be careful.

  6. Amira says: Reply

    Thanku so much Nash, this is what i needed to read at this exact moment! May Allah bless you gorgeous❤️

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      You’re too kind! I’m glad this was relevant to you.
      Thank you again 🙂

  7. Maleeha Shaikh says: Reply

    Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu! Its brilliant how you’ve dealt with such a fragile topic with such heavy words. Jazak Allah Khair for acknowledging a matter which most people either choose to ignore or do not pay much heed to.

    1. Nashiha Pervin says: Reply

      Thank you so much! 🙂

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